Dating is a part of the human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage (Wikipedia).
When I saw Bimbo in July 1995, I had a knowing that she is my wife. To the ‘witness’ I had in my spirit, I thought, “This is interesting!” There was no time to talk to her because she was on her way out. I had come to greet her mum (her mum and my mum were friends). Of course I was back in December 1995 to ‘greet’ her mum again. This time around I had the opportunity to talk to her; I actually dropped her off at her family friend’s place.
While we were in the car, I was unequivocal about my intention to marry her. I told her I was not looking for a girlfriend. Driven by the force of my conviction, I almost got her miffed while trying to wring out a commitment from her. She told me much later that she and her best friend had a good laugh in school when she told her that she met a young man who is desperately looking for a wife. Her friend, who ended up being her chief bride’s maid, also laughed ‘with’ me during our wedding in January 1998!
As a Christian, I have never subscribed to the idea of dating. I believe it’s a worldly idea that has surreptitiously found its way into Christendom. In Christianity there is no room for ambiguity inherent in dating. The scripture says, “He who finds a wife…” not a date. The responsibility of the man is to find and that of the woman is to always ‘be prepared’ to be found. Again, to the end that what we, Christians, have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, we know what God has freely given us (I Corinthians 2:12).
The only pseudo-marriage relationship the bible recognizes is betrothal (engagement). That in itself is a very strong because everyone knows the two people (of opposite sex) are almost married. None of them would risk being seen in a questionable circumstance. This was why Joseph, not wanting to put Virgin Mary to shame, wanted to secretly let go of her when he found out she was pregnant (through the Holy Spirit).
At the ‘Faith, Family and Finance’ seminar I attended not long ago, Dr. Okey Onuzo, hit the nail on the head when he said, “Christians don’t date!” Using the example of Isaac, the son of Abraham, he went on to explain that what happens is that when a Christian is ready to get married, he prays to God for a wife. Thereafter, he continues to search out a wife. When he finds the person he ‘knows’ to marry, he tells her what he wants in a manner void of prevarications.
On the reason why a Christian must rely on the Spirit of God for the choice of partner in marriage, Dr. Onuzo said that there are three things everyone is looking for in a marriage are:
1. The love of your life (someone who arouses your emotions always)
2. The love for life (someone who will go the whole hog with you)
3. The will of God
According to him, while many suitors can meet the ‘love of your life’ requirement, very few people will meet the requirements of your ‘love for life’ and the ‘will of God’. In addition, you cannot from the outset determine your ‘love for life’ and the ‘will of God’; only God can.
It is already five (5) years after I left my job in which I was earning a seven-digit monthly salary. Had my wife married me because of money, our marriage would have packed up over the period. There are countless experiences in our c.18 years of marriage that prove to me that my wife is both my love for life and the will of God. Is she the love of my life? You bet!